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Some people with BPD will manifest this rage inwardly through self-harm, suicide attempts and others will manifest it outwardly by either showing "fits of rage, temper, anger" (yelling - push/pull behaviour -- the "I hate you don't leave me" kind of thing) or through emotional abuse and physical abuse of those closest to them and or toward therapists. And some borderlines will express this rage both inwardly and outwardly.
In my Expierience I feel Rage all of the Sudden and It usually is brought on by someone not giving me my nway, or challenging Me in one way or another. Foe Example, Today The Landlord of my Aprtment would not fix the Lock on the door, he said it was our responsibility, I felt wronged in this situation but he would not Listen to me ( could be that he did not understand English) So I started cursing and Yelling and feeling this intense Anger inside, sense of Rejection and Hurt, I was At the boiling Point and had to walk away, I imagine that in this instance and others that I feel Wronged , I rage because I feel that I am not in Control and I think that by Bringing it to the next level and combatting with Anger I can get my way and be right. I am not sure of all the Reasons That I get Angry and have this Inappropriate reaction to Authority and others that have Control over me or Stir up this Rage in Me But I know that It may have to do with always feeling like the Victim and that as a child My family never told me "NO" or at least not for very Long.
When I feel angry I feel out of control, Like this adrenaline stirs in me and I react suddenly in these intense and outragous ways , Often resulting in Harm to others but mostly to myself as I then Burn the Bridge and often more than One. My anger is caused by Pain, Fear, and overall Feeling of Helplessness to solve the problem with a Pòsitive result in my favor. Like I said, I do not know why Myself or others have such Rage But Know that it is not the Correct response, But only one I know, either I lash out against others or Myself. I feel the need to escape what I am feeling at that the person I am angry with wants me to fail, be misrable, and Not be Happy.. This is the best way I can explain it right now but I know it is something that needs strong examination as It is one of the most destructive behaviors I face .
Rage is by definition abuse. Ragers react to strong emotions with rage. (i.e. feelings of fear, sadness, shame, inadequacy, guilt or loss convert to rage.)
Ragers were typically shamed or punished by their caretakers for expressing emotion when they were young; i.e.: "Be a man and don't cry", "Nice girls don't get angry" or "I'll give you something to cry about".
Raging gives the rager a feeling of power - offsetting their shame and feelings of inadequacy.
Rage sets up a neurochemical reaction in the brain that can be addictive, producing what is known as rageaholism or ragaholics.
Screaming, physical expressions of anger, violence or threats of violence, sulking, manipulation, emotional blackmail, silent smoldering, and anger used to punish.
Healthy expression of anger involves confrontation of what makes you angry and an effort to set boundaries. (What you will do in response to what makes you angry.)
i.e: When you (a behavior), I feel (a feeling) , and to protect myself I will _________.
Healthy anger is not used to punish, is not violent, and isn't used to intimidate, control or manipulate. It is expressed, discussed, and moved through.
Healthy anger is not stuffed down and ignored. (Stuffed anger created resentment and a wealth of physical / mental and emotional problems.) Healthy anger is not expressed in passive aggressive and manipulative ways.
Anger management is critical to recovery from addictions and trauma, childhood sexual mental or physical abuse, and relationship recovery. Addictions are in part a coping mechanism to deal with feelings by masking them.
Alcoholics and Addicts often "use at" the source of their anger. (i.e.: I'm angry at ______ so I'll have a drink, take a drug, or act out sexually. Obviously this is a highly self destructive response to anger.
Unexpressed anger related to childhood abuses often results in addictive problems later in life. (To stuff down the feelings of shame, anger, isolation, fear, sadness and loss the abuse creates.) Very often chronic relapsers in recovery programs, or chronic addicts are survivors of childhood abuse.
The sad irony is that by pushing feelings down alcohol and drugs make it impossible to work through our feelings and move past them, keeping the survivor trapped in a downward spiral. This is part of why even moderate drug or alcohol use in non addicts severely compromises their progress in therapy. (If you are stuffing down your feelings how can you work on them?)
Regarding anger, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says:
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison."
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