The Dark feelings and thoughts come without warning, attacking me from every possible direction, leaving me paralyzed and empty, Unable to regain the strenghth that I must possessed and the Joy that I once lived with.
It is the Hope of past times and future dreams that give me a new breath, a second chance, and the ability to go on with this life... what am I to do ? where am I to go ? who will save me, who will take me away from this nighmare of a life? The answer is nobody, no one understands my struggle, my pain and sorrow , sees what i see or feels how i feel.. they say "it will be ok" or "take it easy" But they do not see the world as I do, they do not know what it is like to doubt who you areif anyone loves you or what the next five minutes will be like, they do not know what it is like to be inthis skin,have to maintain a smile when all you wnat to do is cry, they have no idea.
I sit here wondering when I will blow up next, when will the next episode come, will I surviveit or will it engulf me with it"s power and deception.. These questions are unclear as to what answers lie in the shadows, there are many feelings and questions that I have and they all make up a different Rob, a different me, a different struggle.. I try to be anyone except for who I am , to take on a new idenity as I never know who the real me is.. is it the smart, creative, sweet, loving Guy who has so many hopes and dreams and desires to make a difference in the world or is the Real me the drak, hopeless, helpless, fearful, hurting like a child, angry,a nd doubtful Guy that feels more like a boy than a man who has responsibilities and Goals.
The Darkness awaits, it waits around the corner to tak me down and destroy me, I fight it and struggle to make it through the day, But what then ? do I just scratch and claw my way through each day just to survive or do I Stand tall and Live, live like I was meant to live.. who knows what lies around the next corner, sometimes I wonder if any cares, or am I just here to sit and wait for that final Glimpse of the Dark Clouds?
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