I am writing this piece about Crystal Meth and it"s negative effect on the Gay community as I know from personal expierience of what it does. I am currently clean, almost six months. It is a battle everyday and It is not really the drug that keeps me wanting to relive that aspect of my life again but the combination of the Sex and Drug and how I constantly want to have that connection with another while using the Drug that made me feel so amazing, Until It nearly destroyed me.
The Internet, Meth, and the effect that meth has on ones sexuality all Go together in this. Basically, Meth increases sexual desire and lowers Inhibitions making Sex more enjoyable and the ability to act in ways you cannot sober. However, the compulsion to continue the sexual act or use of the Drugs reguardless of the cost or consequences is devastating. One cannot stop the sex nor the drug once they start, It is repetative and obsessive. Gay hookup sites and craigslist fuel this addictive PNP culture, PNP being the term used in the Gay community for "Party and Play"..Meaning using Meth and Sex to enhance the total expierience, They feed off of each other.
I can only speak for myself but when I used Meth , It was all about the Sex and The more Meth Sex I had then the more I could not Do without It. There is a whole culture out there with websites and sex parties, and much more that cater to this Meth culture in the Gay community. See, For me It made me feel Like I could be anyone sexually and not have to feel the hangups That I have about my sexuality and Idenity. I could just relax and Go with It, It was Like another world. However, there is always a downside to anything with that much energy and excitement, Almost like they say ..."If it is too good to be true, Then it probabally Is". There is eventually "Hell to Pay" with the incusion in this lifestyle and the consequeces are dire and often deadly. Everytime I think about two things then I associate them with my Use and yearn to Go down that road again, no matter how damaging that I know It was and will be for me. Those two things are Porn and Gay Sex, as those were my favourite activities on Crystal and I have difficulty seperating them from my Addiction or the Drug.
Crystal is a Drug that is almost like the Anti Christ, as it puts on the face of a good friend and something Good and Fun, But then shows it"s true intentions and evil side once it has you Hooked, and those intentions are never good. The Goal of this Drug is to take over your Brain and get you to keep using the Drug and that is all that is Important. Getting clean for me and many who combine Meth with Sex is more than just stopping the bad habit of using this awful Substance, But relearning your whole Life all over again. Relearning how to have ENJOYABLE sober sex again, relearning how to enjoy yourself clean and sober(which is also difficult due to how Crystal attacks your pleasure center of the brain) and how to function in the real world without having that all familar escape.
In my opinion, Meth abuse and BPD are almost like close cousins as they both team up and attack the Addcit, as BPD is similar to Meth as I have stated before. Them both attack impulsivity, emotional instability, and sexual complusions. They appear similar at first look, But they are in fact different, However the Two together are a deadly combination, as It is very difficult to stay clean and sober when a person has BPD or Bipolar. The constant need to escape causes relapse virtually a sure thing, A person with Personality or Mood disorder who also suffers from addiction must have lots of help and support to win the War in the end, It is an uphill battle but it is winable ! Myself, I have been contemplating Using again, I know the damage that it does but when I was in that Lifestyle, It nearly destroyed me, Yes. I felt like I was part of something, Like I belonged but more than that, Once the Drug is put in your Brain(especially as much as I used) It is an uphill battle fought over many years To Overcome, but one never does get rid of It 100%, But has to keep at it EVERYDAY !
Association is Big, being able to seperate Who you are from what You do, If one is Gay or Bisexual it is very important that they are able to seperate their sexuality from their Drug use, If they cannot do that then there is trouble ahead as They will also Go back out and Use over their sexuality. If one cannot have sober, enjoyable Guilt free sex then they are likely to continue to use. Also, the User has to stop Glamorizing the Drugs and lifestyle associated with the drugs or that too will cause more relapse. Relapes is not failure and with such a powerful drug it is expected, especialliy with complex and confusing mental and emotional issues on board, However Relapse can be Deadly and that is something to consider using again. Sure it is enjoyable, But at what price? From my past expieriences, I have learned that the Price is too much to pay, So what I have learned is this.. One must work on themselves and thier inner self including their sexuality to stay on the right path, as if you do not do this then relapse is for sure.
The Culture of Meth and Sexuality in the Gay (staright to a lesser degree) community is not going anywhere, It is up to the individual (first) and then community (2nd) To work at it very hard and stay focused, as That Demon is always waiting for your guard to be let down. I know the demon is waiting at my front door right now, do I answer or slip out the back??
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